She announced her abortion via fbk
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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