waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It's just like the Real World with babies
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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