remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
