May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
