Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
