i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
