i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize