I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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