I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
