Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize