There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
