I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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