I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
