hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
