if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
