You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
