vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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