Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
