all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
