I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
did i just pee glitter
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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