I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
