So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
