Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
