considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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