I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
