Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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