Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
