Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
