That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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