it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
