I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
