Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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