This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
