Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
3 2 1 whiskey
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
