No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize