eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
