even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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