Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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