my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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