your parents love me but you hate me
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
