his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
worst night to have a conscience
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
