What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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