Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
