NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
