A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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