Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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