hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
