I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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