we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He kissed a someone with a penis
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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