he shaved USA in his pubs
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
