I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
