new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
