Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Randomize
