hotel room ftw
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
