Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sex in the backyard? Check.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
