he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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