those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
