You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
