Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
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Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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