the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
