I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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