look no pants
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
