im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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