he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
