So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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