i just wanna soil my oats bro
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
