You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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