Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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