She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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