my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My dick has a subreddit
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
